Video Games-By Jessie

This story takes place roughly three years ago. I was twelve years old when I got my first ever online video game. First off; it wasn’t technically my first online game. I had been playing Minecraft for a while. So I guess this was my second online game ever.

The game was suggested to me by my old best friend. She told me and my sister that the game, which was a horse game, was online and so so fun! You could do quests, ride digital horses, and dress up your character. But most importantly, you could chat with real life people across the world. Seems great, right? I thought so too.

So, after some convincing, our parents let me and my sister get the game, which was free so that was nice. You could only play it on a computer at the time so my sister got it on her computer. I didn’t have a computer yet so I got the game on my mom’s. Fun fact; I still have that computer and I’m still using it, although mom gave it to me as my own when I turned fourteen, lol. The game was so much fun! We got leveled up, our friend showed us how to play the game, and we even started a YouTube channel surrounding the game. You can still find that channel up on YouTube to this day!

Anyway, as the months went by me and my sister got closer to the game. Finally, after a ton of conversations, our parents let us buy the VIP membership called Star Rider. It allowed you to move on in the game, do more quests, get more outfits, more horses, etc. We thought it was great! And it was…for a time.

Around a year later we were super into the game. We had so many online “friends”, went through the occasional drama, had clubs in the game, had too many horses to count, the works. I’m not really sure how it started but I started to see a change in myself. I was obsessed with an online horse game.

My sister didn’t have this problem. She was busy with other stuff and, even though she went through a lot with one particular club, she wasn’t bothered by the game as much as I was. She didn’t get into so much drama, like I did. That sounds bad doesn’t it? Yep it pretty much was. Remember; I was young and naive. This was the first game where I was allowed to seriously chat with people online. I wasn’t as close to the Lord as I thought I was. I prayed and talked about God and fully believed in him…I just didn’t have a true relationship with him.

So, at the age of thirteen, I started getting into some serious drama. I got involved with multiple people who weren’t Christians. Christians were hard to find in the game. I experienced the world like a pie to the face. I got a taste of how sensitive the LGBTQ+ community was. How many boy and girl relationships there were. And how easily manipulated I was. It wasn’t pretty. I felt overwhelmed by the toxicity of it all. At one point I had a conversation with a girl who, at some stage, told me that she was a “witch” and on the full moon casted spells. I was so shocked I went crying to my parents. That was pretty much it. We had a good conversation and I decided to block a lot of those people who were my “friends”, especially that witch-girl.

Yet, I still played the game! I still had that YouTube channel and still didn’t see my faults. Finally, my sister and I hit 100 subscribers and did a live stream. I had a blast but after the livestream I started feeling..different. I got this really strange feeling about quitting YouTube. I didn’t want that and felt pretty stubborn about it because of my serious FOMO and jealousy problems. If I left I felt like my sister would get all the glory. Fun, isn’t it? Thanks to that online game I still struggle with jealousy and FOMO, which I had never truly struggled with until that game came into my life. Eventually, after praying about it, I took a break from YouTube.

Meanwhile, in the horse game, I was feeling more and more uncomfortable around my “friends”. I talked to my parents about it and prayed and decided to make a ton of changes. I distanced myself from clubs and toxic friends. And little by little the Holy Spirit was growing inside me. As I kept obeying God, he kept impacting me.

Slowly I was making an attempt to completely distance myself from that game and I didn’t even know it. Yet…it wasn’t going to work out in the end. I realized one night, with alarming shock, that I’d have to quit that game and YouTube permanently. At first I thought it was just YouTube I had to quit. But then I realized how much that game wasn’t giving me. I was losing my relationship with God, not having a fun time anymore, always anxious, always in drama. That game had, in a way, destroyed my heart. But…God was about to heal it. He knew my heart and what was good for me. I didn’t see it then but I needed to obey Him for my own good, that much was clear to me.

I’m so glad I listened. Listening and obeying takes so much bravery. I can’t tell you how much I didn’t want to quit that game or YouTube. But I knew I had too. For me and for my health. God commanded it of me. So, I messaged my few friends on that game goodbye, deleted all of the friends off of the friend list, made a final goodbye video on our YouTube channel with my sister, and, for the last time, clicked “quit”. I felt something the moment I clicked that button….relief.

Of course, it was a long time before I completely felt strongly about my decision. Being in that toxic game for so long would take time to recover. Yet, I was doing what God asked of me. Leaving a toxic game. Leaving something that had caused me so much anxiety over the years. And thanks to that game…that act…I had something I didn’t know I needed. A relationship with my Heavenly Father.

I didn’t see it then, but, leaving that game and leaving YouTube was the starter push for everything good in my life. My sister was so supportive of me and, still to this day, I am so grateful that she understood my feelings and left that channel and game with me. My parents knew this was slowly, to be dramatic, killing me. They helped me through so much and I am forever grateful that I listened to their advice and came to them when I needed help. And after? Was everything back to normal? Was I better? No…I wasn’t better. I wasn’t back to normal…..I was stronger. I was a new person in Christ. Jesus truly became my friend, my father, my protector, my commander, my savior. I would never go back to being the same twelve year old girl I was at the beginning.

After leaving that game I faced so much more trials. But because of my obedience to God, I was stronger for it. I was able to hear that Holy Spirit as if it were a trumpet. I rejoiced even in the struggles. Trust me, I struggled so much after that. The online community always made me fail, still does. But because I was able to talk to God and my parents, I got through it all. I’ve grown so close to God through these three years it’s truly incredible.

From an online game, to having restrictions on my iPad, to finally accepting who I am and that I will never be able to have a YouTube channel or do anything social that involves the toxicity of the world. But don’t worry, God has blessed me truly with other things online. I’m still on Minecraft and I’m finding myself enjoying the Christian online community on YWW and Adventures In Odyssey Club. I am not miserable in the slightest. I am living the best life I can. The life God intended me to live. The life of obeisance and trust and love.

Of course, it isn’t easy for me. I am still young and make mistakes. I am just human after all. But God is always working in my heart. I am not the same person I was three years ago. Every time I obey I feel upset because my brain thinks I’m losing something great. Funny enough though, the next day I feel a little better knowing that I obeyed God and that I will see the bigger picture someday. Knowing that gives me hope and complete joy. God takes care of me and I’m so grateful for it. He’ll never make me suffer forever…never.

So take heart my friend! When you obey God, you’re not losing…you’re winning. That reward is something that cannot be replaced. Complete and utter happiness. And who would have thought, an online game would teach me that.