God's Will > My Mistakes

So Why Do I Let My Mistakes Highjack My Life?

I am a chronic perfectionist. And as a perfectionist I despise making mistakes. Ever since I was little, I've had a paranoia that my world will end whenever I do the tiniest thing wrong. Once, my friend broke something that belonged to my sister, and I started freaking out although I wasn't the one who would get in trouble. I cannot stand seeing mistakes. Too often this can lead me to inaction though... and it hurts. Because later, I start to wonder what if? Ok, this is not going to be an article about how you should overcome your mistakes. Maybe I would have said that a few months ago, but within these last few weeks, my opinions have CHANGED.

Looking back, I am certain God has been trying to teach me this lesson for a very long time. It wasn't until these last few weeks that I even noticed that my paranoia was getting in my way. And it wasn't until I had made a mistake. I'm not going to go into detail, but I will give you the vague idea so you can get the picture. For months I have been trying to get myself to do something, but I've never been able to get the guts up to do it. I don't usually struggle with this fear, but in this case, I couldn't bring myself to do it, even though I knew I should.

I kept asking God to take away the fear and give me a chance. And He did. I got the perfect chance to overcome my fear... and I completely blew it. I let my fear control me into making a mistake. Because the mistake was, I should have taken the opportunity I had been given. So, maybe this isn't they type of mistake you thought this was going to be. Or maybe it was. Either way, I severely regretted this mistake, haunted by the question what if? But that night with the help of a friend, I realized I didn't need to be stuck in the what if.

Because my God doesn't ask what if.

He knows.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

That night, I came to the startling realization that my mistakes can't do anything against the power of God. If I thought that me making a mistake like that could overcome God's plan for my life, then I don't know the God I'm serving. I was giving myself more power than I thought I had. And as a control freak, this is both nerve wracking and a comfort. If what I needed to overcome was part of God's will for my life, and I am searching to do what He wants me to do, no mistake will be able to stop His plans. Sure, I might set those plans back, but I won't keep them from happening.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

My mistakes don't have any power of me, not because I can overcome them, but because God can overcome them. With that realization that I don't have the power to hijack God's will from my life if I'm searching after Jesus, I realized that I didn't have to fear messing up. We are imperfect humans, and we shouldn't be setting the bar of perfection for ourselves.

"For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

Soon after, I realized that not only was God more powerful than my mistakes, but He was ALSO far greater than my fear of making mistakes. Again, I prayed for God to give me the opportunity to face my fear again, and He delivered. The same fear as before hit me just as hard as it had previously, but it no longer had any power over me. And this time, I walked up and conquered that fear of making a mistake... and now I don't have to wonder... what if?

"For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised." Hebrews 10:36

The concept of this is simple, but the awe that I felt with the realization that I could go about living for God, without fretting that I would make a mistake that would ruin everything, was so freeing! It has only been a few weeks, and I already feel so much lighter. And of course, I thought of how I share the gospel, and the sometimes-crippling fear I get whenever God tells me to talk to someone. That fear can stem from worrying I am going to do it wrong. I have done it wrong, many times. But that person's salvation isn't up to me, but up to God. Hopefully even through my mistakes, that person's heart was touched by the love Jesus has so graciously shown me. Making mistakes isn't something I need to be afraid of anymore. Because my God is greater.

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